Gerrard turned 2 months old today. A month has passed whereby we have taken care of Gerrard by ourselves since Zhen-jie left. Everyday has sort of settled into a routine.. every morning, he'll have his bath, milk then I'll bring him over to my mum's place until the evening when Derek will fetch us back to our house to settle for the night. His feeds have roughly stablised.. feeding about 3-4 hours. During the night, I am the one feeding him while Derek helps with changing diapers, making the milk, washing the bottles and patting him to sleep.
The 2 most important people in my life
This has indeed been a roller-coaster month. I had a "BCG scare" a few weeks back when I saw a swollen bump on Gerrard's left butt. I even applied the nappy cream on it, thinking it might be a nappy rash only to result in it being even more swollen. I turned panicky and rushed him down to the PD. Upon seeing the bump, the PD rolled her eyes and told me to read the health booklet. There was a piece of paper inside which stated the effects of BCG vaccination and the symptoms of it swelling up is NORMAL. She said I am an ignorant mummy and the health booklet is not meant to be just kept in the drawer =P
I felt like an idiot and this episode made me realised that I still have so much to learn on how to take care of another being. Life is no longer about me, myself and I. I admit I am quite a perfectionist. At work, I have always set high standards on myself to excel and initially, I set high standards to be the perfect mummy as well, aiming to being able to handle him very well. Hence, when I faced obstacles such as unable to coax him to sleep or when I can't make him stop crying, I break down. I feel like I have failed and I don't know why. However, after talking to Derek, I started to see things from another view. I need to be more patient and take things as they come. There isn't any formula I can use or any "template" I can follow as every baby is an unique individual.
Sometimes I really feel exhausted as I need to help my mum out in the daytime as well. I feel like my own life is revolving round Gerrard, with no time left for myself. However, every time when I see him lying beside me, sleeping with his mouth half-open, or when he smiles at me in the morning when I say "Good morning baby!", my heart just melts. Last night, I was burping him and Gerrard was half asleep. His whole body was soft and leaned against me like a crumpled sock. I felt so close to him; it is amazing that he "lived and grew" inside my tummy for 10 months and now, he is out to see the world and learning new things everyday. At that moment, I made a vow to myself that I will take very good care of him, give him my love, attention and affection to support him in exploring the world.
Finally settling in for the night- A mighty task for us sometimes!
Carried by Grandma
Doesn't like wearing hats
Shots captured while he's changing
A happy baby after eating!
His hands are so small!
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