Sunday, April 13, 2008

13 April 2008- Failure

I really need to work on controlling my emotions. I keep telling myself to be patient when taking care of Gerrard as he is still young. However, I am still not adjusting well to waking up for his night feeds. When I do not get enough sleep, I become a super tyrant; snapping at Derek for the slightest thing, reprimanding him for not helping out (although it is even tougher for him since he needs to work). Yesterday night, I took it out on Gerrard when he fell asleep while drinking his milk. I kept stuffing the bottle teat roughly into his mouth and I even shook him, wanting to wake him up. No matter what I did, he simply refused to take another sip. In the end, I gave up because all I wanted to was to get back to sleep.

What kind of a mother am I? It is always the morning after that I feel so guilty for treating them this way. I look at Gerrard snoozing beside me and I tell myself that I have failed yet again. Why have I turned into such a nasty person? May God (whichever one out there) give me strength to keep my temper in check.

I want back the old me.

Only then can I be the best mummy and wife.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

10 April 2008 - Mountain tortoise

I went to the MacDonald's 2 weeks ago and realised that they no longer provides sachets of chilli and ketchup sauces anymore. Patrons need to self service from the sauce dispensers. Likewise for serviettes.

It took me a while to regain my composure as I kept asking Derek when did MacDonalds implement this? Why hasn't I seen it at any MacDonalds outlet? I was akin to someone who has been let out from some mountains/caves as I made such a big deal out of it. And Derek nonchalently informed me that it has been some time since MacDonalds implemented this. Then I started to recall when was the last time I stepped into MacDonalds; not too long ago right? About 3 months ago?

Was I too blur during my pregnancy to not notice it while I was there or have I officially stepped into Auntyhood?

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Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers