30 March 2008 - And I thought pregnancy was tough enough

Gerrard turned 2 months old today. A month has passed whereby we have taken care of Gerrard by ourselves since Zhen-jie left. Everyday has sort of settled into a routine.. every morning, he'll have his bath, milk then I'll bring him over to my mum's place until the evening when Derek will fetch us back to our house to settle for the night. His feeds have roughly stablised.. feeding about 3-4 hours. During the night, I am the one feeding him while Derek helps with changing diapers, making the milk, washing the bottles and patting him to sleep.

The 2 most important people in my life

This has indeed been a roller-coaster month. I had a "BCG scare" a few weeks back when I saw a swollen bump on Gerrard's left butt. I even applied the nappy cream on it, thinking it might be a nappy rash only to result in it being even more swollen. I turned panicky and rushed him down to the PD. Upon seeing the bump, the PD rolled her eyes and told me to read the health booklet. There was a piece of paper inside which stated the effects of BCG vaccination and the symptoms of it swelling up is NORMAL. She said I am an ignorant mummy and the health booklet is not meant to be just kept in the drawer =P

I felt like an idiot and this episode made me realised that I still have so much to learn on how to take care of another being. Life is no longer about me, myself and I. I admit I am quite a perfectionist. At work, I have always set high standards on myself to excel and initially, I set high standards to be the perfect mummy as well, aiming to being able to handle him very well. Hence, when I faced obstacles such as unable to coax him to sleep or when I can't make him stop crying, I break down. I feel like I have failed and I don't know why. However, after talking to Derek, I started to see things from another view. I need to be more patient and take things as they come. There isn't any formula I can use or any "template" I can follow as every baby is an unique individual.

Sometimes I really feel exhausted as I need to help my mum out in the daytime as well. I feel like my own life is revolving round Gerrard, with no time left for myself. However, every time when I see him lying beside me, sleeping with his mouth half-open, or when he smiles at me in the morning when I say "Good morning baby!", my heart just melts. Last night, I was burping him and Gerrard was half asleep. His whole body was soft and leaned against me like a crumpled sock. I felt so close to him; it is amazing that he "lived and grew" inside my tummy for 10 months and now, he is out to see the world and learning new things everyday. At that moment, I made a vow to myself that I will take very good care of him, give him my love, attention and affection to support him in exploring the world.

Finally settling in for the night- A mighty task for us sometimes!

Carried by Grandma

Doesn't like wearing hats

Shots captured while he's changing

A happy baby after eating!

His hands are so small!

29 March 2008 - Some us-time

Derek and I went to Giant supermarket today, hoping to buy Similac at a cheaper price as Giant was having promotions for baby diapers and milk powder. To our disappointment, only Similac Stage 2 (For after 6 months) was on discount. haiz.

After that, we decided to have some "Us-time" and sneaked off for a movie while leaving Gerrard with my parents. Having worked hard for a week, we needed some relaxation and time off to ourselves to restore our energy. Although it was a quick time-out just for the afternoon, it felt really good. As much as we want to spend every minute caring for our precious baby, the Us-time enabled us to bond as a couple. We find that after Gerrard was born, we have been so occupied that sometimes, we do not even have time to talk!

An empress and the warriors

Leon Lai has put on tremendous weight from the last time I remembered him. He was always the image of a 白马王子 to me and imagine the shock I had when I saw him in the movie. He was playing the role of a resigned warrior who decided to live in the woods and wash his hands off the war and pugilistic world. As such, he leads a carefree life and wore baggy clothes which further accentuates his chubby built. Anyway, I had a good laugh at the movies coz the plot was not very realistic and some parts were too exaggerated.

Will try to plan for such Us-time at least once a month. It is a great rejuvenator ;)

22 March 2008 - BabyCare Festival

Purposely planned a trip down to Singapore Expo for the BabyCare Festival as we expected to have some worthy buys. In the end, it was a huge disappointment as

1. Wanted to subscribe to Mother & Baby magazine and get the Huggies hamper only to find out that the hamper is out of stock and we are left with the baby changing bag, some slimming hoop or Nestle hamper.

2. Wanted to see if there is any discounts for Similac and perhaps buy in bulk to stock up as Gerrard finishes one tin in one week only to find out the only FM brand is Dumex.

3. Wanted to stock up on essentials like Pampers, baby wipes, bottle teats etc only to find out that the only brands available was Pureen and Drypers.

In fact, the whole of Hall 6A didn't look as good as it advertised in the papers and magazines. The various stalls (Yes, I call them stalls instead of booths as some were just selling baby/maternity clothes and they simply hanged them up loosely) were a bit untidy and the goods were placed everywhere.

However, the Tai Sing stall saved the day as they were having a 10% discount on Combi strollers. Got the Combi Well-Comfort for Gerrard as find it the most value for money. At the very least, it wasn't a wasted trip :)

I look forward to the day where we go out together as a family of 3

Ng Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity - Collage - Morph

1 March 2008- On our own from now on..

Zhen-jie has finished her confinement assignment with us today. At the moment she was leaving, I was overcome with a mix of emotions; a sense of gratitude to her for taking good care of me and Gerrard during my confinement period and yet a sense of loss, wondering whether I can cope without her around. Although I know that the time will eventually come for us to handle Gerrard ourselves, I can't help but worry that I will not be a good mummy to take care of him. I worry that I can't provide the best care for him as we are so inexperienced.

Much to my relief, the rest of the day went past quite peacefully. Perhaps it was because my mum came to help out and at least I could count on her experience to know that everything I am doing is still "on track" and correct.

The first night handling Gerrard by ourselves took a toil on our sleep. He feeds every 3 hours and even though I try to sleep when he sleeps, I can never go into deep sleep like before. My mind will be occupied with whether he is sleeping ok and I keep looking at the clock to see if he is due for the next feed.

Is this how a mother feels?

27 February 2008 - Bath time

I learnt how to bathe Gerrard today. He wasn't as wobbly as I imagined so still managed ok. However, I am unable to do so alone yet as my hands still feel clumsy. Practice makes perfect and I look forward to the day I can handle bathing him all by myself.