7 April 2011 - The Mystery of Smell

I smell Gerrard every day.

In fact, I smell him every now and then, especially when I am giving him a hug. I noticed that Derek smells Gerrard whenever he hugs him too, even if he doesn’t have the baby smell anymore. And this is not something I was specifically told to do, nor had I specifically told Derek to do that. Why I say this is because, being first time parents, we literally had to be told what to do eg. How to burp your baby, how to change diapers, how to carry them and so on. However, this action is our natural instinct to do so.

Since the beginning of time, humans “see” the world largely through eyes and ears and we neglect the sense of smell but yet, mothers can recognise their babies by smell, and newborns recognise their mummies in the same way. This seems to have something to do with the fact that smells retain an uncanny power to move us and each whiff of our kids instantly conjure up scenes and emotions of love and protection.

Isn’t this amazing? This kind of emotion and action grows upon a parent... if you have not given your child a hug recently, go on and hug them today, and take in your deepest breath =)

13 April 2008- Failure

I really need to work on controlling my emotions. I keep telling myself to be patient when taking care of Gerrard as he is still young. However, I am still not adjusting well to waking up for his night feeds. When I do not get enough sleep, I become a super tyrant; snapping at Derek for the slightest thing, reprimanding him for not helping out (although it is even tougher for him since he needs to work). Yesterday night, I took it out on Gerrard when he fell asleep while drinking his milk. I kept stuffing the bottle teat roughly into his mouth and I even shook him, wanting to wake him up. No matter what I did, he simply refused to take another sip. In the end, I gave up because all I wanted to was to get back to sleep.

What kind of a mother am I? It is always the morning after that I feel so guilty for treating them this way. I look at Gerrard snoozing beside me and I tell myself that I have failed yet again. Why have I turned into such a nasty person? May God (whichever one out there) give me strength to keep my temper in check.


I want back the old me.

Only then can I be the best mummy and wife.